Thursday, 18 January 2018

Alternative ICC Awards

ICC Emerging Husband of the Year ~ Virat Kohli

ICC Headline Writers' Delight of the Year ~ Lungi Ngidi

ICC Brawler of the Year ~ Ben Stokes

ICC Materazzi of 22 Yards ~ Jonny Bairstow

ICC Fake Kapil Dev of the Year ~ Hardik Pandya

ICC Best Non-Pregnancy Vomiter of the year ~ Suranga Lakmal

ICC Boomerang Captain of the Year ~ Angelo Mathews

ICC Usain Bolt Between Stumps of the Year ~ Cheteshwar Pujara

ICC Detest Player of the Year ~ Rohit Sharma

ICC Best Partnership of the Year ~ Imran Khan & Bushra Maneka

P.S. In case actual ICC awards interest you, read it here:

Monday, 15 January 2018

Australian Open: Vandeweghe goes bananas, Shapovalov proves poor peeler

The so-called tennis experts will tell you it was an American bloodbath at the Australian Open on Monday.

Well, it was much more.

It was also the day when bananas -- an athlete's best friend -- got their due at the year's first grand slam.

First, the American exodus.

Sloane Stephens, Venus Williams, CoCo Vandeweghe and John Isner exited Melbourne Park as if the US had suddenly issued a travel advisory for Australia, deeming it as unsafe as any, well, banana republic.

Then the bananas.

If you are what you eat, Vandeweghe did not hide what her favourite fruit is as she went understandably bananas during her first round loss to Timea Babos.

Vandeweghe simply refused to take to court until she had consumed the potassium-rich fruit which, much to her dismay, was not kept handy.

"I'm waiting for the bananas," she told the chair umpire with the grumpy seriousness of an army chief fretting over the delay in arrival of an important consignment of weapons.

Unfortunately for her, Babos prevailed in the Hungarian v Hungrymerican clash.

Video here:

Shapovalov had a more fruitful day against Greek newcomer Stefanos Tsitsipas. The only trouble he had was peeling them.

Botanically berry, but the Australian bananas proved tough nuts to crack. Shapovalov wrestled with three of them and yet could not. He then picked the one he had dropped on turf and finally
succeeded, celebrating it with am emphatic fist-pump.

Video here:

Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Monday, 8 January 2018

Monday, 25 December 2017

Doosra Annual Awards 2018 (UNESCO certified)

That time of the year again.

Here goes Doosra Annual Awards 2018.

And remember, UNESCO has recognised it as the best set of awards!

Begana Wedding of the Year that had entire India Subcontinent Deewana ~ Virushka.

Kneeanderthal of the Year ~ Priyanka Chopra, for outraging a Sanskari nation by wearing a knee-length dress to a meeting with the PM.

Thesaurus Sale Booster of the Year ~ Shashi Tharoor, for his exasperating farrago of rodomontade and much more.

Best Kept Secret of the Year ~ Location of Virushka Wedding.

Worst Kept Secret of the Year ~ Rahul Gandhi's promotion.

The Annual Celeb-Kid-Shoved-Down-Our-Throat ~ Taimur Ali Khan.

Human Sriharikota of the Year ~ Salman Khan, who is launching his brother-in-law in Bollywood.

Neptune of Nepotism of the Year ~ Karan Johar, for launching yet another pair of Bollywood star kids -- Janhvi Kapoor and Ishan Khattar.

Disowned Loose Cannon of the Year ~ Mani Shankar Aiyyar.

Dogman Of the Year ~ Gurmeet Ram Rahim.

Ideal Neighbour of the Year ~ Sri Lanka, for continuing with their India tour even after their cricketers choked in toxic Delhi air and vomited their inside out.

Most Anticipated and Pending Return of the Year ~ A three-way tie featuring Black money from Swiss banks, Vijay Mallya and Lalit Modi.

Titanic Of the Year ~ RBI as its reputation hit the demonetisation iceberg and sank without trace.

Harry Houdini of the YearStudent of the Year ~ Virat Kohli, for successfully dumping 'headmaster' Anil Kumble.

Vincent Maruti Van Gogh of the Year ~ Mamata di, for her paintings like this.

Fickle Friend of the Year ~ Nitish Kumar, for dumping RJD.

Lord Hanuman of the 22 Yards ~ Rohit Sharma, for torching Lanka here and here.

Worst Investors of the Year - 'Padmavati' producers.

Friday, 3 November 2017

7 Alternative Names

1. Punjab ~ Sikhim

2. Queensland ~ Koala Lumpur

3. Mumbai ~ Bollyvia

4. Dhaka ~ Mosque-o

5. Dharavi ~ Shantyniketan

6. Bermuda ~ Knickeragua

7. India ~ Ma Cow

Thursday, 24 August 2017

When Tagore shared a train journey with Baba Sehgal

Baba Sehgal: Oye hoye, Santa Claus! Isn’t it August only? Idli dubega sambhar mein/Christmas to December mein!

Tagore: Dustu chhele, it’s me, Gurudev.

Baba Sehgal: Chha gaya Guruuuuu!

Tagore: Come again?

Baba Sehgal: Sorry, that was Sidhu paaji’s line. Jab mian-biwi raazi/muhavra marega Sidhu paaji...

Tagore: Dustu chhele, you speak gibberish...

Baba Sehgal: Coconut matlab nariyal/are you Tagore the Real?

Tagore: What nonsense! Hey, hey, keep your hands off my beard. I shampoo it daily.

Baba Sehgal: Aha! Chamak a gaya shampoo se, GF layi Thimphu se (plays tabla on the food tray).

Tagore: Keep quiet please, will you?

Baba Sehgal: Sure. OK, how much did your national anthem sell?

Tagore: What do you mean?

Baba Sehgal: I’m sure not more than my “Thanda Thanda Paani”?

Tagore: This is surreal! Do you even know the anthem?

Baba Sehgal: Don’t underestimate me Gurudev! (begins playing tabla on tray) “Sa re jahan se achha...”

Tagore: (sighs) Clearly one man’s anthem is another’s anathema...

Baba Sehgal: Achcha Gurudev, did the Bangladeshis pay you for writing their anthem?

Tagore: Are you crazy? Where was Bangladesh then?

Baba Sehgal: In Bangladesh, of course! Gavaskar bhi Sunny, Leone be Sunny/aap Gurudev too much funny. By the way Gurudev, you wrote so many jingles...

Tagore: (massages chest) Poem beta, poems.

Baba Sehgal: Same thing. Which one is your favourite?

Tagore: (cheers up a bit) “Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high…” Do you know when I wrote it?

Baba Sehgal: Dadiji maike jaane ke baad, hain na? hain na? (attempts high-fives and bursts into laughter).

Tagore: (sighs) I have to get down here. They are supposed to send someone with a car.

Baba Sehgal: Can I tag along? Just sing once: "Aaja meri gaadi me baith jaa, aaja meri gaadi me baith jaa..."

Tagore: Sorry, the only song that I feel like singing is one of my own, “Ekla Chalo Re..."(deboards)